Simplifying complexities of relationships.

Every relationship, whether platonic or romantic, will at one point encounter a conflict that puts its progression on hold. Conflicts arise because no two individuals are alike and the human race has not developed telepathically so that we can read each others minds. Some of these conflicts are negligible while others sever the ties between the parties involved.

We chose to maintain relationships because they are worthwhile and meaningful. Out of the billions of people in this world, two people had the chance to meet and connect. The connection is important because it sets the boundaries between the different types of relationships. Without a true connection, people merely serve as acquaintances whereas those with sparks blossom into deeper companionship.

Let's use romantic relationships for the rest of the discussion since it proves to be the most complex. In the simple life, you would meet someone, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. In the real world however, things are far more complex. This is not because relationships are complicated but because people are complicated! We are a complicated species because we have so many choices that our needs and wants are constantly changing to the point that we don't know or forget what is it that we truly desire.

Take yourself back to the time you met your significant other. What was it that you wanted? Something along the lines of closeness and intimacy? People engage romantically because they desire the closeness or intimacy that platonic relationships cannot provide as this bond is special only to the two people involved.

If this bond is so special, why do most relationships fail? Relationships fail because what people want changes and they have failed to communicate their needs - not because the love is no longer there.

A flaw in our genetic makeup is that we always want to be right and we always want people to agree with us. Why not? It boosts our ego and makes us feel like the smartest person in the world! And when the person that disagrees with us comes along, we get defensive and fight back without realizing their reasoning often times blowing things out of proportion.

This is where communication comes into play. A successful relationship depends on successful verbal and physical communication. Learn to communicate effectively and your relationship will reach a higher level of understanding rather than fall apart.

How can we communicate effectively to avoid conflicts? Simply remember the reason you wanted to be in that relationship in the first place. Choose to be close and not to be right!

Thus when a conflict arise, remember these five simple steps:

1. Recognize the situation AS IS (not more, not less).

2. Recognize the feelings that the situation has brought you and why.

3. State to your partner what you are feeling and why - WITHOUT blaming them.

4. Recognize what needs to be done to get rid of those feelings.

5. State your needs to your partner and ASK (not TELL) your partner if they can help you achieve it.

With those five steps, your partner will be able to understand what makes you feel a certain way and why it makes it feel a certain way. Simply stating your feelings and needs without blaming them will decrease their chances of getting defensive and argumentative thus allowing the conflict to be resolved rationally and the couple one step closer in understanding each other.

However, always remember that nothing can be forced. If your partner is unwilling to communicate with you then it's time to let it go. Not to sound cliché , but it does take two to tango. Although not foolproof way to guarantee every relationship will last, learning how to communicate effectively will surely improve the chances of finding a lasting one.