Love

Love - a simple four letter word that perhaps has the greatest yet undefinable meaning in the dictionary of life. We spend most of our lives trying to find Love - within our environment, within others, and within ourselves. Most of us can barely define Love yet we continue to seek for it, to hold onto it, to never let it go as if our lives depend on it.

We all understand that the same Love that brings happiness into our lives can also bring sadness along with it. Even when that Love becomes unfamiliar, we hold on hoping that one day it will return to its former self. We hold on so tight that the palms of our hands start to hurt, the tears in our eyes start to flow, and the pain in our hearts ceases to stop. Yet we continue to hope, wish, and wait.

We hold onto Love because we know it to be something beautiful as roses, sweet as kisses, and warm as tight embraces. We tend to believe that the only way to love is to hold onto it with all our strengths. We try to solve every problem that comes in the way, even the ones with no viable solutions, only to find that we end up with more tears and more scars.

Perhaps, we need to find another way to love that will allow our hands to be free, our tears to stop flowing, and our hearts to stop hurting. Perhaps we can still find Love by loving enough to be able to let that Love free in search for its own Love. Perhaps then will we truly find the meaning of Love...

Simple Way to CHANGE

"Change is the only constant." - Heraclitus

From Nona Jordan:

Life can be a constant barrage of new and exciting experiences.  Still even the most savvy and confident of us can get thrown off balance during the unexpected changes life throws our way.

Not everyone is aware when a change has upset the balance in their lives. Often, super-confident people have no idea until they notice other signs of trouble. You may notice it as changes in your body or emotions.  

Signals Include:

• Feeling irritable and edgy with people you love
• Sleeping more or less than usual
• Changing your eating habits
• Drinking more alcohol
• Feeling physical “aches” (headaches, backaches, stomachaches)

It’s difficult to relax and enjoy the incredible adventure of living when you’re feeling physically or emotionally off-kilter. However, if you’re willing to embrace change and be present to it, what you find on the other side may justify the discomfort. Sometimes happiness, peace, and a renewed sense of passion are just one messy transition away.

Here are six steps to defeat the pain of change:

1. Start Where You Are.
Simply acknowledging that what you are going through is difficult is the first step toward freedom. It may sound trite, but it’s common to resist acknowledging that anything is wrong, and believe we need to be superhuman. Draw on your community to find a safe place to talk about what is happening for you.

2. Grieve.
Deep change means grief. Many of us avoid grief like we would avoid the plague; but honestly, the only way out of it is through it. Make “crying dates” with yourself, if you need to. Spend an afternoon watching an emotional movie, or just spend 10 minutes of your day crying, if it helps you get the grief out. Get the grief out however you can.

3. Use Radical Self-Care.
With compassion and kindness, assess how you are taking care of yourself. Change what needs to be changed. Eat whole, nutritious foods. Exercise gently, in ways that feel nurturing for your body, and practice some form of meditation, be it yoga, Thai Chi or guided relaxation. Breathe deeply and frequently throughout each day.

4. Accept.
Once you’ve grieved and are in the habit of taking care of your body, take a look at your thoughts about your life and the changes that have rocked your world. Notice any shoulds/can’ts/shouldn’ts in your language, and start questioning those thoughts.
“This shouldn’t have happened.” Really? Do you know that for sure? Maybe losing your job set the stage to pursue your dream; or moving to a new town opened up new possibilities for adventure.
“I can’t go out and meet new people.” Why not? What stops you? Or would it be more accurate to say, “I’m not ready to meet new people. Maybe next month I will be.”
Play with this. A good resource is The Work of Byron Katie. By diligently questioning the thoughts that cause pain, we free ourselves from suffering. What we realize is that believing our thoughts is a choice.

5. Set a New Course.
Possibilities are endless once you recognize your power to choose how you want to feel and live. By tuning into and taking care of your body, you now have an ally in discovering who, what, and how you want to be in the world.
Test it out. Think about something that you can’t stand doing—something that saps your energy and takes you away from the elements of your life that are most important to you. For me, house cleaning, ironing, and certain administrative roles fall into that category.
Note the sensations in your body—the tightness, the constriction and where it is located. Think of this as your -10 experience. Shake it off. Now think about something you love doing and note those sensations in your body—lightness, expansion, springy, maybe? Call this your +10 experience.
As you try new things, rate them on this scale to tune into how you really feel about it. If it’s on the -10 side of the scale, and you don’t absolutely have to do it, don’t! For example, I’ve outsourced the responsibilities I don’t enjoy so I can focus on writing, coaching, speaking, and taking care of myself.
Some change and discomfort is inevitable; but there’s no good reason to consistently bury your energy in things that feel negative to you. There’s a lot you can’t control in life—but you can make choices about where you spend your energy.

6. Check in with Your Happiness.
As you move forward, set aside time every day to appreciate everything that makes you insanely happy. A simple list of five things a day (more is even better) will help keep your energy focused on all the gifts in your life.
Happiness is available to us in each and every moment. By writing down your appreciation each day, and what motivates you to feel gratitude, you are choosing joy over sadness and you are rising above your pain.
Difficult transitions can inspire incredible self-discovery. When you embrace and work through the pain, you become a richer version of yourself, find a deeper sense of happiness, and feel a more authentic connection to your life.

Five D's of Success

"A vision without action is an illusion. An action without vision is confusion!" - Willie Jollie

There are many of us out there that are trying to make something of ourselves and our lives. Although everybody has a different meaning of success, all of us have the same goal of finding it. While some of us are able to find success, the majority of us struggle to find our way.

Success, in any form, is a process. This process, like any other, has steps and requires planning. Below is a five step process that I like to use to accomplish my little milestones. I hope it will help you with yours!

1. Desire.  Desire comes to us in many forms. We all desire to want something, do something, and be something. Whatever your desire is, make it known! Tell yourself. Tell someone. Write it down. Once it is out in the open, there's no going back!
2. Determination. Once you know what your desire is, you need to know how much you want it. Ask yourself, what are you willing to do or give up for that desire?
3. Dedication. Dedication means staying true to the desire no matter what roadblocks you encounter along the way. Many of us, myself included, tend to go through a "3 minute phase desire." We want something really bad, make a big deal out of it, and then give up when the going gets tough. Dedication means you can't give up no matter what happens, when it happens, or where it happens. Stick to your desire and walk around those roadblocks if you encounter one. Break down those walls; climb those hills; jump those puddles; whatever it takes!
4. Discipline. Discipline goes hand in hand with determination. However, the difference is how long that determination is going to last. You can be determined but not reach success if you give up half way. Discipline is how much you are willing to give up over a long period of time.
5. Destination. Your goal and final result.

Out of those five D's, dedication and discipline are the two most important. You can have a desire and be determined but never reach your destination if dedication and discipline are missing. This is because desire and determination are mental processes, merely thoughts. Dedication and discipline are physical processes, or actions. Dedication and determination allows you convert ideas into actions. Only through dedication and determination will you be able to reach your destination.

If you have a desire, stick to it no matter what and you will reach your destination!
 

Having Trouble Sleeping?

Physical and emotional stress often unintentionally invites insomnia into our lives. Insomnia – a short term or chronic inability to get high quality sleep – is a common sleep problem that can be caused by a variety of things including stress, a change in time zones, an altered sleep schedule or poor bedtime habits. Almost everyone will be affected by insomnia at some point during their lifetime. Whether your problem is an occasional sleepless night or a series of them, there are plenty of solutions to help you get better sleep.

The first step is to identify the cause of your insomnia. Your insomnia might be a symptom of a more significant sleep problem or disorder, or a starting point for dealing with a physical, mental or emotional challenge. Your inability to go to sleep or stay asleep might be related to your partner’s snoring, your own sleep apnea or restless legs syndrome. It might be related to an urgent situation at work, or a difficult family issue.

Whatever the cause of your insomnia, being mindful of your sleep habits and learning to relax will help you sleep better and feel better. In many cases, self-help techniques, including improved sleep hygiene, relaxation and cognitive behavioral therapy, can alleviate insomnia and promote better health as well as better sleep.

Another way to reduce insomnia is to look closely at your diet. Many of us are aware that eating or drinking some food products hinders our ability to sleep. Foods rich in caffeine, such as coffee and chocolate, should be avoided late in the evening. Spicy foods can cause digestive problems, including heartburn and gas. For a good night's sleep, eat these foods in the afternoon or early evening.

If your insomnia brings about snacking, try snacking on cherries and grapes. Research has shown that cherries and grapes contain the highest amounts of melatonin, a hormone produced by the pineal gland that regulates the circadian rhythm (sleep cycle). Not only that, both of these fruits are rich in antioxidants, is a good anti-inflammatory and can even give you healthy skin.

Melatonin is also available as an OTC supplement at your local drug stores. However, there are possible side effects including headache, depression, and even the sleeplessness you are trying to cure!

35 Simple Ways to Be Beautiful

“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” 
-Sophia Loren

From TinyBuddha:

It seems like such a cliche to say pretty is as pretty does, but the truth is physical beauty is subjective. And no matter how closely someone matches your ideal of physical perfection, that will eventually fade. What endures are the qualities, passions, and habits we nurture.
That’s what makes us beautiful–and believe me when I say there is something beautiful in everyone. If you’ve done any of the following lately, you are absolutely beautiful: 

1. Smile. As the quote goes, “I’ve never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.”
2. Be there for someone who needs you even if there’s nothing in it for you–give without expectations.
3. Make a sacrifice for someone you love.
4. Admit a mistake, even if it’s hard to say you’re wrong, and work to make amends.
5. Share your struggles, putting your ego aside, to make someone else feel less alone.
6. Create something that helps people. A song, a blog, a support group, a non-profit–anything that inspires.
7. Help a child feel good about him or herself.
8. Tell someone what you appreciate about them, even if you feel vulnerable.
9. Forgive someone without needing to hear the words, “I’m sorry.”
10. Give someone an uncomfortably long hug when they need it.
10. Create positive energy around you by thinking positive thoughts and acting with positive intentions.
11. Sit with reality without judging anyone or anything.
12. Accept someone for who they are instead of trying to change them to who you want them to be.
13. Treat people like you want to be treated.
14. Notice something simple but beautiful in the world around you.
15. Acknowledge the beauty in others, instead of feeling threatened or competing with other people.
16. Be the change you want to see in the world, as per Gandhi’s suggestion.
17. Tap into your personal power and do something that makes a difference in the world.
18. Find strength in a challenging moment. It’s not easy to do, and you deserve credit for it.
19. Talk kindly about the world around you instead of gossiping or complaining.
20. Forget yourself for a minute and do nothing but listen to someone who needs it.
21. Measure a person by their best moments, not their worst.
22. Give yourself the same courtesy–focus on the good you’ve done, not the mistakes you’ve made.
23. Take the high road when someone hurts you instead if being cruel or catty.
24. Make someone laugh. A smile can literally melt stress and pain away. How beautiful of you to do that for someone else!
25. Make someone cry–tears of joy that is. People want to feel moved, inspired, motivated. Never underestimate the power of touching someone’s heart.
26. Keep an open mind instead of sticking with a judgment or assumption.
27. Love what you’re tempted to fear.
28. Be the voice of optimism when the people around you need it badly.
29. Show humility when your accomplishments would make it easy to stand above people.
30. Handle rejection or failure with grace. It’s far more easily said than done–and it sounds so cheesy and cliche–but accepting loss gracefully makes you a true winner.
31. Show unbridled enthusiasm for something that excites you. All children are beautiful, and I think their unadulterated joy has a lot to do with it.
32. Hear what someone means, not just what they say. Anyone can nitpick. Not everyone actively works to be understanding.
33. Imagine a world where people know peace, and do one small thing to create it.
34. Honor the values that matter to you. Showing integrity is the first step to feeling good about yourself.
35. Accept and love yourself–or as Ben Folds sings, “Learn to live with what you are.”

Read more here!

Simple Weight Loss Strategy

If you are struggling with your weight loss as I did, you are probably at a point where you want to give up because it is so difficult. You probably tried starving yourself and later finding starvation knocking at your doorsteps bringing along his friend Bingie. Or you tried eating healthy foods and yet finding yourself overeating because your mind is tricking you into thinking that it's alright because it's "healthy." And going to the gym is probably the last thing that you want to do with all the insecurities that your mind bombards itself with when you are surrounded by fit gym goers.

Truth is, weight loss is rather simple. It's all about calorie counting! Take another look at your caloric intake (input) and caloric expenditure (output). If you want to lose weight, your output must be greater than your input; meaning you have to burn more calories than you consume. If you are eating anything and everything in sight, don't be surprised at why you're not seeing the results you want. You have to start being conscious of what you are eating and how much of it you are eating to be able to accomplish your weight loss goals.

Counting calories is definitely the key to weight loss. Calories are important because they tell us the amount of energy that we get from our foods. Not only that, they also tell us the quality of the energy coming from our foods. Energy coming from carbohydrates differ from proteins which differs from fats.

Does that mean you have to put yourself on a diet and can't eat anything you want? Definitely not! You can still eat anything you want. You just can't eat EVERYTHING you want! This brings back the importance of portion sizes and eating with "gusto" and not haste. Enjoy the food you eat, take small bites, savor the flavor, and you will find that you will not need to eat as much as you think you do.
 
So how do you start? With today's technology, you don't have to carry around a food diary to jot down everything you eat. There are numerous free websites available for you to track your daily caloric intake and expenditures. These include calorieking.com, fitday.com, hotcal.com, and many others that you can find with a touch of a button. These websites allow you to input your body measurements, weight, goal, daily intake, daily activities, etc. They will let you know how many calories are in your food and how many calories you burn during the day and the amount you should be eating and burning to reach your goal. Not only that, they also provide you with the amount of proteins, carbohydrates, and fats that you should be eating to reach your goal effectively.

I personally used fitday.com and have switched over to hotcal.com. I like the layout of hotcal and the fact that it has nutritional facts from popular chain restaurants for the occasional indulgence. You will definitely benefit from using these websites. If anything, it will let you know in black and white the real status of your diet and fitness plan. No more excuses, no more lies, only a new you!